That snowy Valentine's Day
by superalicat
Summary: At the end of Episode 21, after everyone finds out just who took Mayaka's homemade chocolates, we see Satoshi making a certain phone call to someone...could it be Mayaka? And if the two talk honestly to one another, who knows what confessions may be made?


Title: That snowy Valentine's Day

Characters: Mayaka, Satoshi

Words: 1800

Mayaka Ibara didn't hesitate before answering the phone, and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Snow was falling outside her window, and she wondered whether the person on the other end of the phone was watching it too.

"Hello?" At the sound of his voice, she knew that it had been a bad idea to just pick up the phone without looking to see who had called. She just held the phone and waited for him to go on, which she knew he would. "Hey…There's something I need to tell you." Mayaka, who'd been around him for years, could tell that Satoshi Fukube didn't sound as sure of himself as he usually was.

"I know. I figured it out already, you know. What I made you wasn't actually stolen." Mayaka spoke in a low voice, and even to her, it didn't seem like her own. Some other girl was talking on the phone to the boy she couldn't stop loving, and she herself was somewhere else entirely. Maybe back in the clubroom, watching Satoshi take the chocolate over and over.

"It was pretty obvious, wasn't it? I mean, Houtarou knew the minute he heard about it."

"You don't seem to be making a joke about it. Like you always do." Somehow, the hardest part about talking to him was actually saying his name, or even the nickname she called him, Fuku-chan. It seemed too affectionate for this kind of conversation.

"Mayaka, I wanted to say-"

"Don't apologize." In Mayaka's head, she'd shouted these words, but they came out flat and dull in real life. She'd had the energy to shout on the bridge with Chii-chan, but her black-haired friend must have taken that strength away with her after she'd left Mayaka's house for her own.

"I-"

Mayaka interrupted, "You'd just be hurting my feelings if you said sorry. You would. Forget it."

"I can't just forget it, Mayaka!" Satoshi, standing outside in the snow, blinked at his sudden exclamation. It wasn't his job to be loud and protesting like that. No, it was something that Mayaka usually did…

And his thoughts went back to her again. Perhaps what he'd told his best friend Houtarou Oreki earlier was starting to come true. He was lingering on Mayaka for a little too long, and soon, it might turn into an obsession. No, he told himself, it was only because he was on the phone with her. That was all. You had to think about the other person when having a decent conversation. Even so, he wanted to tell Mayaka everything he'd told Houtarou. Everything. Yet, when he tried to open his mouth, all that escaped him was an exhalation of breath that turned white in the wintry air.

Mayaka's reply was so quiet that he barely caught it. "Don't you think I can't just forget it either? Especially last year…Am I dwelling on it too much, do you think?"

"Well," Satoshi started. "I think we both knew that I was supposed to have some sort of answer for you. It's only natural to dwell on last year because that's when this whole thing originally started. But I…"

Sitting in her room, Mayaka spotted the shopping bag that had carried all the materials she'd bought to make the perfect Valentine's chocolate. She glimpsed a few leftover things inside, and the reminder of the day's events caused her breath to hitch in her throat. She was scared, she realized, knowing that he was going to turn her down. All this time, he'd just been brushing her aside without any real response, but the time had come for him to give her a real one. Mayaka willed herself not to start crying. That would just make things worse, especially since she was on the phone. "Just do it, then, Fuku-" she started to say, but was cut off by him.

"I don't know what to say, exactly. First off, I haven't even paid attention to your feelings, even though I knew they were there. I just figured that maybe they'd pass…or something like that. Yeah, maybe it's what I was hoping would happen. I didn't like thinking about how I'd answer, either, so I put it off. And now, when I have to think about it, I keep coming back to you. So I guess, what I wanted to talk to you about that. How I don't think I can come up with an answer without you."

"What do you want me to say? It's not as if my feelings have changed. I should be angry with you right now, but I just feel…drained."

"I feel the same. I guess that's better than actually feeling anything else. Some of those emotions just bring you down."

Now Mayaka felt a tiny spark of indignation. "Don't try to justify your feelings, Fuku-chan." Saying his nickname just made her. "You're the one who caused this whole thing."

"Oh, so are you mad now? You know, Houtarou was pretty upset with me about it." Satoshi remembered the look in his friend's eyes during his explanation about why he couldn't just accept the chocolate. He remembered how Houtarou had looked when he asked Satoshi about his answer. "Actually, I'd be upset with me too. You're still waiting for that answer, I know."

There was silence on the other end. Neither of them could think of anything to say. Mayaka watched the snow outside her window, piling up like everything she wanted to tell him. Satoshi watched the snow in front of him, falling out of his reach, like everything he'd once had the chance to say. Like the fact that he was sorry he'd hurt her with his selfishness. Like the fact that he was a little bit happy Mayaka had kept on waiting.

"In all honesty, Mayaka, there's a lot that I've been meaning to tell you. Not just the fact that I can't seem to make up my mind on anything. Just a lot. Do you ever…"

"Want things to go back to normal?" she finished. "I thought that's what you were going to ask. If you can't bring yourself to say no to me, then you'll say that we should just forget about it. Pretend it never happened." Somehow, a tiny bit of sadness found its way into her words.

Satoshi answered, "That would be the easiest thing."

"I'm sure it wouldn't hurt as much as you rejecting me."

"Probably not." Privately, Satoshi knew that this couldn't be the answer he'd told Houtarou he'd have soon.

"Then why do I feel like the exact same thing's going to happen a second time if we start over?"

He was taken aback. After all, he'd never thought about what to do after he gave this a decent amount of thought. "Could we make sure that we don't?"

"I guess there's nothing wrong with that, but it would feel so, I don't know, unfinished. It's like you'd never have to make up your mind. And I've wanted you to for the past year."

"That's true, I guess. Hey, about that answer…there's something I should probably say about that." There was no going back now. Satoshi had made up his mind to tell her the exact words he had to Houtarou. He let all of it out, even telling her about how his friend had looked when he'd explained it to him. Had he even understood what Satoshi had told him?

"So that's how you felt," muttered Mayaka when he'd finished. "I hadn't thought about something like that. That's why you can't give me an answer?"

"Well, it's actually why I want to give you one."

"Then give me an answer. Just say something."

"But I can't say anything." And so silence fell once again until Satoshi said, "I think I'll try some of the chocolate, then."

"That was abrupt." Mayaka was still thinking about his words on obsessions. Was that really how he perceived her? Something that would take the fun out of his life? She listened to the sounds of him getting the chocolate from somewhere, probably his bag, and then the sounds of him eating a piece.

"It tastes good, Mayaka."

"I thought you didn't want to accept it."

"I didn't. But I want to acknowledge that you took the time to make it for me."

To Satoshi, Mayaka's voice seemed to have changed slightly. "That's your answer, then. You don't want to get into anything right away, but you'll still acknowledge it, right? It's not going to be your permanent answer, and I know that you don't really want to accept it…"

"Would that be okay for now? Trying to move forward a little bit? Going back to normal but making it different, somehow?"

"You'd do that?" Mayaka asked. "You'd at least try?" Even though he wasn't accepting it, he wasn't rejecting it either. Instead, he was trying to make it work.

Satoshi ate another piece of chocolate. The more he ate, the more flavor he seemed to taste. "I don't have to be so selfish. I know that's what you'd want. And what I want is to make it go back to normal, or at least some type of normal. If we tried, I think we could work it out."

"Not forever, but for the moment. Could we just see where it goes?"

"I guess."

"In a way, I think we have Houtarou to thank for all of it. If he hadn't gotten involved, then maybe I wouldn't have been honest with myself. And with you, Mayaka."

"Probably, yeah. Anyway, I…hope you like the chocolate."

"It's pretty good, actually."

"Well, that's a start. Give me some time to think about this, Fuku-chan, and I'll come up with something myself. For now, we should just do what we can. Come to terms with it."

"I can't just keep avoiding it, can I?"

"No, you can't. Goodnight, then."

"Night, Mayaka." And then Satoshi hung up. In his opinion, the conversation had taken a strangely unexpected turn, but one that he might be okay with. There was still Satoshi's problem with not wanting to obsess over anything, and there were also Mayaka's feelings. If they both found their own answers, that was okay. If they found one that they both agreed on, that would be better. Things between the two of them were starting to change, and maybe the two of them would be able to admit it. Things couldn't stay the same forever.

Satoshi had another piece of chocolate, one that actually resembled the original heart shape it had once formed. "It's sweet," he said to himself. The snow had stopped falling. He hadn't found a permanent answer. Instead, he'd found the world after a violent snowstorm: ready to be remade.


End file.
